You are naturally connected with everyone and everything. What you need to learn to do is to sense the connections. They are two way connections. You are ongoingly giving to and receiving from everything and everyone around you. If you lower your Numbness Bar you will start to notice all these living connections. It can by so surprising to have missed the experiences.
Not being connected is a fantasy world invented by Western Culture.
Western Culture is based on the principle of competition and separation: separation of land, races, nations, languages, education, wealth, ages, etc...
Unlimited potential of connection is waiting for you to unfold when you activate your Inner Resources. Your Inner Resources are unlimited because they are archetypal.
Who says you must abide by the thoughtware of Western culture?
Hints For Connecting
HOW IS IT GOING FOR YOU NOW?
At this moment in my life I find myself without meaningful and intimate friendships.
I have a big yearning for friendliness and I always have.
But now I find myself feeling sad.
I notice my Gremlin comparing myself with others, looking at them and believing they have meaningful friendships and I don't.
I find myself making stories, such as, "I am already older. People around me have established relationships and don't need me as their friend." (Even though I am only twenty-one!)
Most of my 'friendships' seem to come from people needing something from me, like advice or motivation, and sometimes even healing. Once I saw this I stopped accepting it as friendship.
So now where am I?
My mind tells me the story that I will never have as close of a relationship to someone as I did with my best friend who passed away when I was sixteen. My Being does not believe this story and knows there is more to come. Yet I do question myself in wondering where and how I will be able to make conscious friendships.
I know there is essentially nothing others can do to help me gain what I am seeking. Change has to be done by me. I wanted to know if anyone else can relate to my situation at any point in their life, and what they did or what worked for them to bring a new kind of friendship into their life.
I can 100% relate. There was a period of about five years in my life during which I made no new friendships. In this same perios many of my existing friends went away.
My assumption during this time is that there was something very wrong with me.
I created a whole plan with a coach I had started working with at the time to try to make friends.
This plan included things like learning to introduce myself to people, inviting people out, 'putting myself out there' in different ways.
It was excruciatingly embarrassing, and none of it worked very well, I think because I had no idea how to be authentic.
Things turned around rapidly when I joined an authenticity group called TurnOn and began going to their weekly events and learning how to feel.
At any rate, yes, I can relate to your current circumstances and I remember it being painful, yet also useful in catalyzing inner and outer change for me.
Thank you for sharing
I have had similar thoughts for years, especially since I moved to the rural area where I live now.
I do meet people, but these connections never seem to evolve.
Mostly I think we have a lack of both time and space holding for authentic connection. Everyone is simply too busy with everyday survival chores.
I also have difficulty being authentically extroverted. Sharing my feelings has never been easy for me.
But now, since I found Possibility Management during summer 2020, I have found so many people (online) that want to hold space and want to learn the same things I want to learn.
It feels like I am among true friends here. This makes me very glad.
I can really feel with you! While I traveled I made many nice connections but they would easily disappear after a short while when I moved on. I felt like no one was really staying in my life, except my 'old' friends from back in my birth country.
Then my travel periods got longer and last year I moved to Sweden. I was here for more than a year without any friends at all (a love relationship happened though, which is broken by now).
The hardest time was this spring, alone in a cold house on the country side, no money, creeping Corona fears, and a big uncertainty, There was no one to meet personally, and even hugs were forbidden...
Since then I magically met some people both online and offline and with several I could directly built a heart connection and deep sharing spaces. Without the usual shallow small talk.
I think after being in this place of loneliness for so long without friends, I appreciate and value deep friendship and connection much more. I experience the value in this!
Yet I still feel fear sometimes that my 'new friends' could suddenly disappear again. My deepest connections with active sharing now are just a couple of weeks/months old.
HINTS ABOUT WHAT ELSE IS POSSIBLE
I want to tell you what has been working for to discover and invent amazing connections:
Doing things I am really interested in. For example, years ago I was into knitting and spinning. I went to knitting meetups. I even made my own meeting when none was available. I found a diversity of people. With some I connected closer and it fit well at that time and city. I also had this with classical music, pottery, and more. Recently I made friends out of the context of my eczema healing journey via FaceBook and InstaGram - friends I really meet physically and love to have in my life.
Trusting E.C.C.O. (Earth Coincidence Control Office).
What also helped me was to deeply understand that nobody can give me all. I had big expectations when I was younger that I would find someone who would be there always and give me everything I ever wanted or needed.
We have two centers: a physical center and an energetic center. Our physical center is located between our two hips, three fingers below our navel, half-way back between our spine and front. The physical center does not move, it is our point of gravity. Our energetic center, on the contrary, moves. In school, we have learn to put our energetic center in our mind. Meaning our gestures, our questions and answers and our offers for intimacy comes directly out of our minds. Our minds do not have sensation or experience, our minds have thoughts, ideas, opinions, conclusions. Our minds cannot know what our heart, soul, or body wants. Making moves from our minds makes us slave of what is appropriate and what is regarding the taboos and expectations of our birth culture, nothing to do with our own experience. Modern culture also values and promote people who gives their centers away to authority. The authority figures (schools, corporations, churches, governments) say: "If you do has you are told (do your homework, give your life away against a salary, give us money and you will go to heaven, pay your taxes) then you will be safe, we will take care of you".
Those patterns are hammered in us since we are born and we repeat them in our attempt to interact and connect with people. First, we put our center in our head and try to come up with the perfect thing to say, the right answer to questions, we try to be right or make someone's else wrong, we make expectations about how the other people should be or not be, we create fantasy world about how relationship should look like or not look like and so on...
Then, we give our center away to the person we are trying to connect with. Knowing when you have given your center away is an experiential distinction, you can't figure it out in your head! Though, here are some hints that you will help you notice it. If you give your center away to someone else, you will start thinking things like: 'What will they think about me?' 'Am I beautiful/handsome enough for them?' 'If I do this or that, then they will love me and they won't leave or scream at me.' 'What can I do to make them happy?' When we give our center away, we are not being authentic, we are behaving in a way that we think the other person wants us to act. The crazy thing is that the other person is probably doing exactly the same thing. There we have two people trying to be together without being authentic.
Centering yourself happens by putting your attention on your energetic center to find out where it is. Then with your intention, place your energetic center on your physical center. And with your attention keep your energetic center on your physical center. This is the experience of being centered.
Getting your center back is a straightforward and on-going process.
1. It starts by noticing with your attention when you give your center away, every time you give your center away. Stop what you are doing, pause and ask yourself: what am I feeling? (It will probably be fear) I am afraid because... (it will probably be a childhood or a past life trauma) is this fear relevant here? (yes or no.)
You will start noticing sooner and sooner when you give your center away until you can notice that you are about to give it away. It is then that you have a choice about your pattern.
2. To keep your energetic center on your being center, you need between 1-5% anger, and between 5-10% of your attention.
3. Go through through on-going healing processes to get your center back from the authority figures who you gave your center away when you were a child.
How can anyone be in relationship with another human being if they don't have their personal bubble of space and the person across doesn't either? These are stuff that we could have learned in school.
Have you ever approached an animal and it would back off just a few meters? You tried a second time and it would do the same, not go away, just back off as much as you advanced. Animals have their own bubble of personal space and they know when you are entering it.
As human beings being raised in modern culture, we have let people enter and abuse our personal space as a defense strategy. It makes us less powerful, less authentic.
You maybe know couple who are enmeshed - their personal bubbles of space are within each other. When one is happy the other one have to be happy, when one is depressed the other one have to be depressed. Such enmeshed relationship are detectable because the two people live in extreme emotional state. They can't live without each other.
If you let someone enter your bubble, you are letting them abuse you. They are sucking your life energy, your sexual energy, your emotional energy, your radiance, and so on... If someone is in your space, they can feel what you are feeling before you feel it, and they can also make you feel something that has nothing to do with you. It is a powerful way to manipulate and create co-dependency.
As a side note: the more you heal and go through initiatory processes, the more radiant and shiny you become and the more unconscious zombie will want to suck your energy. Keep you bubble clean of other's energy! If someone enters your bubble of space, you let them. Why? This is not a rhetorical question. Ask yourself: why do I want someone in my space?
Instructions to make your personal bubble of space: after centering yourself (see above), click your Clicker and declare energetically your bubble of personal space. You can feel with your energetic fingers the limits of your bubble, it should be around 50cm in front of and behind you and englobing your head and your feet. While you are at it, declare your grounding cord that connects your center to the center of the Earth. It is a cable about 10cm diameter and flexible. You are now centered, bubbled, and grounded.
Instructions to keep your personal bubble of space clean: Once a week, clean your personal bubble of space. We take on other people's energy and forget that they colonize our personal space and then we wonder why we have tired all the time! One reason is that our personal space is filled up 30/40/50% with other people's energy. You can notice it when you are having conversation with people in your head. They are in your space.
The procedure to clean your space is simple: click your clicker and create a bubble in front of you but outside of your personal space, click your clicker and make the head of the person in your space in that bubble, blow it away and click your clicker one more time and explode that bubble. The energy will go back to that person. It does not hurt them, it is not mean, it is psychic etiquette to give back the energy to the person it belongs to. The first times you do this, you will have faces of people from a long time (your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your first love, your boss, your best friends from high school, ...), blow them all up. When you are done, reach in your Bag Of Things and pull out a golden ball of your own energy and information. Place it over your head and let it fall down into your energetic body. When it hits your center, it explodes and fill up your bodies and your personal bubble of space with your own information and energy. Do this multiple time until you feel filled up.
The universe does not like vacuum, if you leave a vacuum after clean your space other people's energy will come back right away.